End Of Tour Part III

I cannot definitively say that a year in Iraq changed me. If it has I do not sense it. Maybe something has latently imprinted on me that others will sense once I get home and the change will be observed by them. I would like to think that I am the same person who left in September only with more experiences to reflect on.

I go home with many mixed emotions and see the duality of this experience just as I see a duality in the two halves of my tour.

I have checked a block in life. As a Soldier I have been to war. I did those things I swore to do when I raised my right hand. When tested, I passed. My brief exposure to combat was enough for a lifetime. I am proud of that service. I was a good Soldier among other good Soldiers in a troubled unit. I did what I could to make the best of the situation for myself and others but realize that I did not do enough. In the end I preserved my integrity and loyalty to my self, the unit, and the Army.

I did not come with false illusions of fixing this country in a short amount of time. History teaches us that it will be a generation before Iraq is fully viable and self sufficient. The question still remains if Iraq can become a paradigm democracy in the Middle East. I have met good people who want a future of freedom. They live among many others who have selfish gains to be made at the cost of progress. I remain skeptical yet hopeful – ever the wary optimist.

I maintain that the Soldiers here do a good job mostly in part because of the support they get from home. Americans and the rest of the world are watching our military forces. We do not want to let you down any more than you want to waive in your support of us. Some people at home do not support the policy of the current administration but hold firm their support of the troops. That people make that distinction is important to us.

The truth is that the terrorists are here in this country. They want to disrupt and destroy lives here and gain popular support to attack us again on our own soil. We need to fight them here and prevent the next mass casualty event in the United States. Aside from strategic goals of prevent global terrorism we have an obligation not to abandon the Iraqis who suffer violence daily.

There are just as many questions leaving here as when I arrived. I find my mood neither joyful nor somber. Maybe I am just tired.

Finally, the one thing that I count among my successes is this blog. I was reminded of that fact by a reader from the Netherlands. I have been able to reach home to New York and to other places in the world and give the narrow, Soldier’s perspective on this Global War on Terror. I find it remarkable that 7,458 (at last count) people have read this journal since I added the counter back in February. I have received supportive feedback that reminded me that I was making you proud.

I will post some more as time allows and I head home. I expect to post on the homecoming with Lisa, Sam, and return to life in general.

Thank you, one and all.

07:05:26:27